Postitional Plagiocephaly

Positional plagiocephaly. Flat head syndrome- due to positioning of the infant on the back for extended periods of time. With the back-to-sleep campaign that began in the early 1990s, many parents became afraid of placing a baby on his/her stomach- and left their infants on their back, in swings, and/or carseats. Has the increase in positional plagiocephaly also caused a rise in developmental delays? According to a 2010 study that was published in Science Daily, babies with flat heads may be at a higher risk for cognitive and motor delays. It makes sense- when an infant is always on his/her back, he/she does not receive the proprioceptive input (feeling of where body is in relation to space) or the neck extension (straightening). The child could potentially be delayed in meeting milestones. After all, it is more difficult to attend to a stimulus while on your back (then on your stomach). Additionally, many babies will take longer to learn how to roll, crawl, sit, and stand, as the core muscles will not be strong enough to move against gravity. As an occupational therapist, I work with many kids that have positional plagiocephaly. During the session, I teach families how to place their babies during waking hours - as well as how to engage them - to prevent worsening of and correct the flat spot. Although pediatricians recommend back-to-sleep, I encourage families to keep babies OFF of their backs (out of the supine position) as much as possible during waking hours. What can you do? Here are three "quick" suggestions to PREVENT positional plagiocephaly. TUMMY TIME! I can't say it enough. Although a Tummy Time article on parents.com mentioned to place an infant on his/her stomach beginning "around the 3-4 month mark," I believe it should happen MUCH earlier. You can put your baby on YOUR stomach- after feeding, while he/she is sleeping, and during waking hours during the newborn stage. It is a great way to bond with your baby and can also help with burping! (In all fairness, the article DID mention this.) ***Just be careful until the umbilical cord has fallen off. Be a switch-hitter! Switch sides in your arms (after every feed) and in the crib (each night)- get your baby comfortable resting his/her head on BOTH sides. Just because it is made- does not mean it is right for your child. Meaning- just because Bumbo seats, exersaucers, jumpers, walkers, and swings (etc...) are readily available in many, many stores, they are not necessarily appropriate for your child- in his/her current stage of development. Although those items can be great distractions- extended use may NOT be recommended. It is very scary to be a parent nowadays- I TOTALLY get it. Remember that you are not alone. If your parent instinct tells your that your child may have positional plagiocephaly, speak to your pediatrician. I am also available to lend my expert opinion about positioning and engaging "activities" to do with your baby.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Liar -- Liar Pants on Fire…..
It’s a familiar child rhyme originating from a poem by William Blake.


“Deceiver, dissembler -Your trousers are alight
From what pole or gallows -Shall they dangle in the night?...”


While we are not exactly sure what pants on fire has to do with lying, it springs up in play when one child accuses another of lying. Today’s society offers many examples, such as doctors giving vague prognosis, politicians making campaign promises, and family members providing other "reasons" for tardiness at the family dinner. EtiKids is here to shed light on a not-so-positive social skill that continually re-emerges throughout history... The preschooler and the tall-tales. Yes, the start of school often causes many false stories to emerge from our favorite little friends. Although seemingly amusing when a three-year-old does it, it is not so funny when that same person does it twenty years later.

Fact: Preschoolers have great imaginations. However, in their fantasy worlds, it becomes difficult to transition between real-life and make-believe. There is no doubt in their minds that "a monster did it."

For some, the imaginary friend, Jennifer or Jack, is involved in mischievous capers. Wet pants, spilled juice or missed cookies are always Jenny’s fault. A few weeks ago, when a dangling ceiling-fan pull broke, a mini family member swiftly claimed, “I didn’t do it! It just happened!"

Lying is a behavior that all children will try at some period in their lives. If one is lucky, it is attempted at an early age and quickly discouraged. The most important tool a parent can use is to react appropriately and set a positive example for the child. A loving and trusting relationship can begin as early as preschool age.

In the Kaboose.com article, Why Kids Lie (and How You Can Encourage Honesty) by Deborah Bohn, Dr. Michele Borba, a nationally renowned educator and author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing, describes this behavior as "wishful thinking." She reminds parents that three-year-olds don't think the same way that adults do, and they ACTUALLY WISH that someone else broke your favorite lamp!

Some tips for when your munchkin looks up at you with enormous brown eyes and says, “I saw the little mouse knock over the cookie jar, and it broke.”

1. With a positive response, let the child know the truth is appreciated, offer a warm hug and smile; and then assist in the clean-up of the mess. As it is merely wishful thinking, it is important to address the child calmly. Dr. Borba would even ask the child if he/she wishes that a little mouse would have broken the cookie jar.

2. Avoid asking the obvious question, Did you break this lamp with the soccer ball? This provides a child with the perfect opportunity to lie. While they are standing amidst the shattered ruins of a lamp, ball in hand, one can say, “I see the lamp is broken. We do not play ball inside the house. Please get a dust pan and broom. No more ball playing today.” As a grownup, it is possible to set limits without punitive measures.

3. Finally, set an example as a role model. Children learn by modeled behavior, and they are mindful of all habits good and bad. Lying to a spouse about the price of a new power tool or the purchase of another pair of shoes sets a double standard that children do not understand. If a child consistently tells fibs, it is often helpful to think about what behaviors a child may be observing in and out of the home.

Lying is not a virtue worth keeping and can be stopped. Preschool children are not in positions to discriminate good lies from bad ones; therefore, it is helpful to be consistent. Starting early sets into motion the idea of positive and negative behavior. Most important, it creates a solid foundation for a trusting relationship in the family.

As always, EtiKids is here to help. If your tall-tale-teller (say that 5 times, fast!) is way too inventive, contact us for more information on how to positively reinforce good behavior!

And for conversation purposes: What was the most crafty excuse that your child invented? How was it handled?

We're Baa-aaack!!!

Ok, ok, we know it's been a quite a while.
EtiKids blogs haven't been able to make you smile.
We've missed you tons and couldn't stay away.
We're back to give tips on using manners every day.

Social skills are important as kids get older- even more than before.
They will help your child be leaders in the classroom, on the playground, and on a school tour!
The summer has just started, so it is time to prepare.
Help your child succeed and show them you care.

Before next school year starts with a bang-
Let EtiKids help teach social skills to your gang!
So contact us with stories, comments or questions-
We are always hear to listen to and share suggestions.

Looking forward for what's to come, be prepared to hear a lot.
Just remember... It is not too early to teach your tot!

Fondly,
Julie and Co.

Potty Talk

Oh Sh#%! Da*& it! F#@*7! Hearing these words pop out of the mouth of a preschooler (or anyone else) can make hair stand straight out of one’s head. Needless to say, it usually happens at an inopportune moment such as a social gathering, in class, or at the dinner table! The 2-year-old shouting “Stupid head” or “Butthead” at passing cars usually triggers an instant alarm of fear as the parent realizes this could result in a carpool expulsion. Children are fascinated with “bad” words, and learn them quicker than their assigned vocabulary words. The initial response of laughter that the child receives is usually more than enough to fuel continuous repetitions of the offending language. The worst part is this negative behavior will take exponentially longer to break!

The issue raised is not just limited to curse words. Bathroom or potty language and words which EtiKids refers to as S-words (stupid, sh*t, sucks, and shut up) can also be a problem faced by a parent or teacher. Older children may think it is “cool” to use words that describe bodily functions and noises, while younger children mimic what they hear. Sometimes repeating bathroom words is a way to get a reaction or gain attention. Realize it is a way of experimenting with language. So, if trying out new words and learning how to communicate are part of learning social skills and manners, what is the best way to re-train a potty mouth child?

Displaying a lack of interest is the simplest tactic to phase out incessant repetition of naughty expressions. Without strong feedback, most preschoolers won’t bother repeating these terms. Why bother if you can’t get a rise out of parents?

Ask the child what the word means. Discourage use of words whose meanings are unknown. Explain why some words are offensive and hurtful to other people. X-rated vocabulary and forbidden words are not “cool” and can be banned by parents because they are inappropriate in almost all situations.

Restrict bathroom words to the restroom. After a while, the child typically finds it tiresome to run back and forth to the lavatory just to talk about bodily functions and spill out potty words.

Control word categories that are on the fringe. Growing up, the use of "S-words" was not tolerated. These expressions included: stupid, sh*t, sucks and shut up. Although the latter has become an acceptable phrase of surprise (or synonym for no kidding), telling someone to “shut up” is perceived as rude and insensitive.

Monitoring TV programs can limit some exposure to words with derogatory meanings such as “butthead”, which became popular terminology following MTV's programming. Remind children that using insulting words or expressions can become a habit, slipping out without any warning and be embarrassing for everyone.

Although the word hate has different meanings, we mention it here. It can be used in a spiteful manner and is a learned behavior. Shouting “I hate you!” to a parent is universal to children all over the world. A little 4-year-old friend repeated her mother’s favorite quote, “Hate is a very strong word, and we should never use it!” The More You Know public service campaign, (NBC 2003) reminded us, "Hate is a four-letter word. So is love. Which word will you teach your child?"

Finally, the very best way to diminish the use of negative words is to set a positive example for children. Replace curse words with alternative phrases such as “Darn it! Dang! Good Grief! Geepers Creepers! Rats! Shucks!”

Let us know your favorite expression! Or most inappropriate story. :) Contact us at Dear Julie or info@etikids.com with your stories.

Hole's Not Big Enough?

People come in a variety of colors, sizes and shapes and often face difficulties during their lifetime. Some of these challenges may be emotional while others are more physical and visually apparent. It always seems children are most astute in noting all our differences. Some comments are positive observations: a teacher’s new hairdo or mom’s new dress. More often than not, these comments are made verbally at higher than normal decibels, in extremely trafficked areas, and simply embarrassing. “Why is that man so much smaller than me?” “Look at the lady with no hair!” Certainly there are a multitude of examples to share that just “pop out” of a child’s mouth. How do you address the child’s remark without squelching curiosity, teach an important social skill and maintain a semblance of sanity?

First, if the comment was audible, offer apologies immediately. “I would like to apologize for the comment that was made,” is one way to express your regret. This clearly serves as an example of sensitivity, provides an atmosphere of understanding and models a social skill. Softly assure the child everything will be explained in a more appropriate place. Then address the issue immediately. Using a concrete example helps children conceptualize information with greater ease. Find a quiet place where the child can sit and ask a few questions. More often than not, a simple explanation is all that is required. Don’t worry the beet red color disappears quickly!

Second, open the discussion by asking about feelings. “What would it feel if a person said something unkind or hurt your feelings?” Offer the child an opportunity to whisper something softly if they need to ask a question. This way feelings won’t be hurt. Sheryl Eberly, author of 365 Manners Kids Should Know, explains that “people with disabilities don’t want to create a scene wherever they go and shouldn’t have to explain their situation to strangers.” Throughout the EtiKids program, focus is placed on similarities people share and identifying the way differences enhance our environment and our world.

Many school programs now offer sensitivity training by using wheelchairs, earplugs to simulate situations facing people with disabilities. Ask the child to use one hand or keep eyes closed while picking up their toys to experience a little of the physical challenges that exist.

Third, examine personal perspectives. Many times we are unaware of nonverbal information transmitted to others. Any actions (eye rolling, head shaking, frown or scowl) or comments which highlight negative perceptions are easily and rapidly adapted by children. Dr. Haim Ginott compares children to wet cement. “Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” Why are bad habits learned so much quicker than good ones? Opening the door for someone in a wheelchair, helping someone who can’t reach an item on a top shelf in the grocery store, or complimenting someone’s new outfit can help a child see what positive social norms dictate.

Children aren’t the only ones making mistakes. Adults sometimes share inappropriate comments and may benefit from a manners makeover too. “You are really that old?” “Why did you get fired from your job?” “Sally is so fat!” Taking the time to consider how a comment will impact someone else can prevent hurt feelings and serve as a model to children. When we err, the quickest, most effective and easiest way to remedy a situation is just to say, “I’m sorry”.

Share your harrowing story with us at Dear Julie or info@etikids.com. Remember Mark Twain’s quote, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Sleepover and Out!

Remember how scary it was to sleep at a friend’s house for the first time? There was fear of not knowing where the bathroom was, waking up in the middle of the night and wanting to go home. What if food tasted funny or you got a bellyache in the middle of the night? Even more worries surfaced when the bathrobe, dangling on the door, appeared to be a ghost. Sometime during the day, while playing with lots of different toys, the idea of turning the playdate to a sleepover seemed like a good idea. Now what?

Pack those pajamas! Create a simple list so children can participate in the packing process. This allows the child to become an active, willing and responsible participant. It also helps kids know what they will have to unpack when returning home. A teddy bear or favorite book can help ease the transition. Packing personal care items will be appreciated by the host, who won’t have to supply toothpaste, toothbrush, or other toiletries.

Dress in the best manners: Leave bodily noises like farting or burping for the bathroom. Play fair and include the host’s runny-nose brother or squealing sister in games. Secrets are for sissies and make others feel bad. Remember to ask before using the phone or taking something out of the refrigerator. Absolutely and positively respect privacy. Resist the urge to peek or snoop into the belongings of other people.

Neatness counts. Ask the host where to place the overnight bag. Encourage children to keep all their clothes and toys in or on the suitcase. Leaving shoes and stinky underwear all over the house will not earn a return invitation. A sleepover is not a scavenger hunt for dirty clothes or an excuse to mess up someone else’s room!

"With a butterfly kiss and a ladybug hug, sleep tight little one like a bug in a rug." (Author: Unknown) Bedtime usually comes right in the middle of a favorite TV show or winning game. Parents know that chattering and giggling are part of every sleepover, but they won’t want to be on patrol all night long. When the host parent says “Bedtime for teddy bears and all other little children,” the guest should start to get ready for bed, even if the host child runs around the house like a wild animal!

Not all families are the same. As a guest, one should keep an eye on the customs of the house. Politely follow the bedtime ritual of the house, which may include bedtime snack, teeth brushing, and bedtime story.

EtiKids stresses the use of please, thank you, excuse me and sorry in all social situations. Reinforcing these words at home helps them become an integral part of the child’s vocabulary. “Thank you for inviting me to sleep at your house” can be followed up with a written note to encourage politeness, writing and social skills. Remember, even though a child may not always express their gratitude at home, they are capable of thanking their host, learning to be a gracious guest and helping with simple and caring tasks.

With all of the helpful information above, your child is ready to put it into practice. As stated in Maurice Sendak’s book, Where the Wild Things Are, "Let the wild rumpus begin!"

Always Bring A Gift...

You have been invited to a person’s birthday party, and the event is in a home. Do you need to bring a gift? Absolutely. Does it need to be an expensive, thought-about-it-for-days kind of present? Certainly not! Simply put, having good social skills/manners means that you never show up to another person’s home empty-handed.

Some people might argue that they were explicitly instructed to show up with just their lovely smiles. Modern etiquette would dictate that in a social situation, whether a dinner party or event, if the host had to spend time and money in order to entertain, it is expected that the guest arrive with a token of their appreciation.

Grownups, if you are at a loss as to what to bring to said occasion, a bottle of wine is ALWAYS appreciated! Should the grape varietal of wine not be what the host prefers, it can always become a re-gift. And if you have any questions about wine pairings, contact the wine guru: Stacey Blacker www.redwhitebrew.net.

Another idea is to bring a plant, as they are the environmentally-aware compromise for flowers (flowers die after a few days, but plants can live on forever). Some easy to care-for plants are: spider plants, peace plants, snake plants, cacti and bamboo.

Clearly it is inappropriate for young children to bring alcohol to an informal, adult birthday or dinner party. Instead, I would recommend having the child create an artistic masterpiece that can be handed to the host (or hostess) upon entrance to the home/event. Not only can the child utilize his/her fine motor skills and one to one correspondence in the process but parents will have an opportunity to discuss appropriate social behavior in advance.

Whether handing a bottle of wine or a picture, it is important to look the host in the eye and say “thank you for inviting me. I brought this for you.”

Teach Them Well and Teach Them Young

I once knew somebody, who stated that cleaning dishes was “the woman’s job,” so he was not going to help, even if it meant bringing his dish to the sink. True story. Despite the obvious problem of labeling “girls’ and boys’ jobs,” which is definitely a message that one does not want to impart upon impressionable young children, another statement was made in that phrase. That statement was, “you are not as important as me, so I do not need to clean up after myself.” After cooking AND cleaning after a long day at work, it is needless to say: that person was not the beneficiary of my culinary expertise ever again.

In today’s society, having social skills dictates that one must learn to keep track of personal belongings, as well as be responsible for discarding that individual’s trash, including dirty dishes after enjoying a delectable meal. That concept is facilitated in a preschool classroom, with pictures and words of what item belongs in each bin. Detailed lessons on how to put a napkin into a cup and tuck the chair under the table after snack time is over are discussed within the first days of school. At 2 and 3 years of age, of course mistakes are made, but it is hoped that the behaviors will become automatic by the end of the year.

To a 3 year old, one can explain that the toys have to go away because if someone breaks it (due to it not being in the proper place), it will not be replaced. Precious art work, created during “work” or “free” time can get stepped on and destroyed, and the creator will be pretty sad if that happens. Testing the waters, every child experiences the pain of losing an important item once and vows to never let it happen again. The cherished stuffed animal is placed much more carefully in selective and appropriate spots. And for that matter, expecting someone else to set up and clean up snack makes the “setter-upper” feel like those actions are just expected. Bringing the empty cup and napkin to the trash is a way of saying “thank you.”

Think about it: no relationship should have one person always doing the cooking, cleaning, giving and/or taking. Relationships between families, significant others, peers, employees/employers, and friends are no different. The "give and gets" of a relationship means that teamwork is important, but being responsible for one’s own belongings is required.

As everything has its place, it is unnecessary to throw the jacket on the floor when first entering the house. Empty gum wrappers, and gum for that matter, belong in the trash can. For grade-school students and beyond, expecting someone else to scrape the gum from the underside of the desk is disgusting. Dog feces should not be left in the street or your neighbors’ lawns. Think how you feel after stepping in dog poop; considering that you don’t enjoy it, clean up after yourself, and your dog! And if you are a guest, anywhere, leave a place better than how you found it.

These scenarios might all seem quite different and unrelated, but they most definitely are. Having good social skills means that one is responsible for his/her own personal belongings, and does not expect anyone else to remove them. If everyone made a concentrated effort to put personal items in their appropriate place/receptacle, this world would be a much cleaner place! And if you teach your child, at an early age, to clean up his/her dishes, you will feel more like a parent and less like an indentured servant.