Tipping Etiquette

Tipping has become a widespread social custom of including extra payments to service-related industry workers. They are never required and vary by culture. Failing to give an adequate tip often violates etiquette standards. Knowing when and who to tip is always uncomfortable when you are unsure of who should receive it and the amount to delegate. Here are some basic rules of gratuity…

Service-related industries are built upon gratuities. The actual wages of the workers are extremely low, approximately $2, as employers factor in tips to the overall salaries of employees. If employers had to pay higher salaries because workers were not generating enough income from tipping, the costs of the said businesses would increase and no one would be happy. Therefore, one should always tip a bartender, taxi driver, delivery person, hotel maid and server but each one requires a different method. (Keep in mind that these are GENERAL rules of gratuity.)

o Tipping a bartender $1 per drink is usually sufficient.

o For a Taxi Driver, everyone has different ideas of right/wrong, but it is customary to give between 10% and 15% of the fare. Citidex has the New York City pricing guides.

o It is customary to tip a delivery person between $2 for small packages and $4-$5 if there are more. For large items, such as a bed, $10 is appropriate.

o Hotel maids/housekeeping should get $2-$3 per bed per night. The tips should be given each day. Check out About.com’s Tipping Guide for Hotels by Charlyn Keating Chisholm.

o Servers typically receive between 15% and 20%. When calculating the tip, dividing the pre or post-tax dollar amount by 5 would provide you with a 20% tip. Dividing by 6 will give 17.5%→18% and diving by 7 will offer 15%.

o Tip Jars: Up to You… There is no steadfast rule about a tip jar next to a cash register. Although the trend has been popping up around pizzerias, Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks alike, do not feel obligated to contribute to the fund. At this juncture, many only tip if they receive exceptional service.

You may tip anyone who went above and beyond to help you. A tip is not only a cash gift but an acknowledgement of your appreciation for services rendered. Eye contact, a smile and a big thank you are also a must when someone does something for you.

Etiquette enables people to avoid uncomfortable situations by providing social standards. Setting a good example for kids by using and applying the behaviors will ensure that they will have the social skills to succeed in society in the future. PS- Findalink.net is a great resource to answer the rest of your burning questions about tipping.

Rules for Eating Utensil Placement

In the Dear Julie section of www.etikids.com, a question was recently submitted about the placement of eating utensils. “Where are the utensils placed during and after a meal?”

As I had responded to the “anonymous” writer, the rules of dining etiquette are simple and finite. They clearly signify a brief pause in eating or the end of a delicious meal. Using proper dining etiquette ensures that the place setting, tablecloth and person’s lap stay clean throughout the meal. Therefore, used utensils should never be placed on the table.

Soup bowls are often brought on flat plates, which is where the spoons should be placed when the portion is complete. According to askmen.com, the same is true for position of spoons for tea and shrimp cocktail forks.

When taking a break between bites, the fork should be placed on the left side of the plate and the knife on the right. This is because when one uses the knife and fork, the knife is held with the right hand (to slice), while the left hand holds the fork (to keep the the food in place).

If you would like a second helping, put the fork and the knife together on the right with the handles facing towards you. This will make room on the plate for another portion of food.

When finishing a delicious meal, Chef Albrich will tell you that the knife and fork should be placed parallel to each other with the handles pointing to the right. Jennifer Maughan will remind you to place them more towards the center, so they don’t fall off the plate when removed by a server.

Teaching children the three tricks to utensil placement will ensure that the social skills become an innate behavior. Children will not have to think about how to behave properly: they just will. They can teach their friends, the word will spread, and you will no longer have to worry about flying utensils when servers clear your place setting.

If you have an etiquette question, it can be answered for you! Go to the Dear Julie section of the www.etikids.com website. All questions are anonymous; all tips are free!

Passing Etiquette

Sitting at the dinner table in a formal dining situation, many people are unaware of the rules that are in place for how to pass food. As etiquette was created to allow people to feel comfortable in social situations, knowing the informal rules will help when in a group setting.

According to Essortment, simple rules of handling:


1. Gourmet-food-revolution.com says to always serve the woman at the right of the host and all of the women thereafter, feeding the men last. Modern manners dictate that when passing serving dishes around the table, everything initially goes to the right.

2. When someone asks you to pass the salt, pass the salt and pepper. It is like getting two for the price of one!

3. If someone asks you to pass a dish, do not help yourself to a serving until after that person has taken what they want.

4. As stated in The Art of Manliness, don't leave your seat and enter someone's personal space to reach for something. Just ask the nearest person to hand it to you. Please. Reaching across the table ensures that both you and your neighbor will be wearing your meal instead of eating it.


Children can abide by these rules as well. As they learn from modeling behavior, be sure to follow these rules of etiquette yourself. Insist that they also “use their manners” at dinner by practicing Passing Etiquette. Meal time will have far fewer spills and much less stress! And of course social skills will be at an all-time high...

Beach Etiquette 101

July 4th is right around the corner and the summer forecasts are indicating perfect summer-like conditions. Local shores have seen an increase in business with families committed to the stay-cation, thanks to the continuation of the economic conditions).

Although good manners should be practiced all year long, it seems especially important in the heat of the summer. Everyone attempts to take advantage of the weather, knowing that it ends with what seems like the blink of an eye. As the beaches tend to become more congested during prime sunning hours, some important basic beach etiquette tips to help everyone remember how to be a courteous neighbor to others.

1) People go to the beach because of the soothing sounds. Relaxing while listening to the crash of the waves and the call of the seagulls is peaceful and the epitome of summer: screaming children and loud radios are not. According to Quick and Dirty Tips, parents are in charge of their children’s noise level, and I couldn’t agree more. Children can be by the water splashing and having fun, as long as they are supervised, but they should not be where other beach-goers are resting comfortably on their mats, making their tantrums everyone else’s business. The same goes for radios or anything else that might disturb the peace: they are great for you to enjoy but not to impose upon others.

2) The cool ocean breezes are welcome on hot beach days; however, they exacerbate inconsiderate behaviors displayed by some. When shaking out the towel after it has been on the sand, please do it carefully, so as not to scatter the grains in people’s faces unexpectedly.

Smoking is also unwelcome by many. If you must get your nicotine fix, do it away from others, and make sure to dispose of your cigarette butts in the proper receptacle, the sand doesn’t count.

3) Clean up after yourself. As the Etiquette Grrls point out, nobody wants to choose their beach spot and settle in, only to discover it is on top of someone else’s garbage. The Golden Rule states: Do Unto Others As You Would Have Done To You: learn it, live it, love it.

4) You make it, you break it. Around the age of 3, kids experiment with building something and knocking it down. If they knock down someone else’s building/sandcastle, it is the perfect opportunity to explain that they don’t like it when other people do it to them. The child, with your assistance, can help rebuild the destroyed sand castle and create version 2.0. This will teach empathy and begin to construct a memory of how to handle a similar situation in the future. And yes, you can be sure that there will be similar situations.

5) Recycle! With the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill still raging out of control and threatening some of the most beautiful beaches, it is extremely important to try and preserve whatever natural resources are left. If we create less waste, our world will be a better place. Here are 2 additional reasons to recycle while on the beach: a) the extra 30 steps to the recycling bin provide additional opportunities for exercise and b) we teach children to do it, so we have to be consistent and model the behavior. Children will never learn to recycle if it is only done sometimes.

Have a great 4th of July weekend and be safe! Don’t forget the sunscreen…

Please (again!)

I recently did a survey on my website, www.etikids.com. The question was “do you make children say please when you ask for something?” Out of the responses, 58.3% said they do “all of the time.” 16.7% said “not as often as I should,” and 25% had other answers, including, “I will when I have a child!” and “Yes- but they are not my children…” 0% of the people said never!

The word “please” is to be used when you want something: to ask rather than to demand. That “magic word,” as it is often referred to for children, changes the tone of the sentence. An ultimatum begins to resemble a request, and the demeanor between the involved parties relaxes. A person is more willing to get the job done (with far less under-the-breath muttering) should that word be included.

The results of this poll should show just how hard it is to enforce that 1 word into daily vocabulary. Although it is amazing that more than half of the pollers are diligent about regularly enforcing the use of the word please, the 16.7% were brutally honest in their “not as often as I should” answers.

From an article on Parents Connect, Nanny Stella gives great advice for teaching children to use the word please (and thank you) in 3 steps: “1) show by example, 2) praise the pleases, and 3) be a broken record.”

Children truly learn from behavior being modeled, meaning, they learn by watching those around them. Control the market by showing them the behaviors that you want them to exhibit in public. If you want a child to hand you the cup of water instead of spill it, you should say, “Please hand me the water.” When the child uses the language on his/her own, praise him/her repeatedly. Positive reinforcement, is a highly effective way to teach children behaviors that you wish for them to continue without negative repercussions. Finally, if the child doesn’t use the word please, do not provide them with what they want until the magic word is said. For children, their new language can become innate with a bit of consistent practice. They will get it.

Children love challenges, so provide them the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Count how many people said, “please” when they asked for something, whether in a restaurant, in a classroom, in a store. Let the kids listen for the magic word, and let them watch people’s reactions when it is and is not used. Children can learn from their own recognition skills: why politeness matters.

Please is the most basic of social etiquette; the politeness displayed by the courtesy will open doors with its usage. Teaching children this social skill at a young age will ensure mastery and give them the tools to succeed as grownups.

Present Yourself Appropriately

"Gravel Girty... dresses dirty; hair a mess, tear in the dress.

Second glances, muffled gasps, nails need buffin’, Poor Rag-A-Muffin…

Dress for success, sure to impress; you can rule and still look cool!"

Present Yourself Appropriately:

First appearances are very important to both animals and humans alike. Animals (on a very basic level) use their image to attract mates (the biggest antlers get the girls) and claim status. The outer presentation for a human is necessary for both of those scenarios, as well as creating social status, and getting jobs.

Although outward appearances can often be deceiving, it is how humans most quickly form an opinion of another person. A first impression can be made with a simple glance, so think carefully how you want to portray yourself to others. There is no right or wrong answer; however, if you are covered with piercings, have a mohawk and torn clothes, chances are that you will be passed over for promotions in most conservative companies.

That being said, knowing dress attire of the social or business situation and dressing appropriately will help you feel comfortable in any circumstance and rise to the occasion. On April 12, 2006, Forbes Magazine published an article that relayed the necessary do's of dressing appropriately in Dress for Success. Most helpful in the article was a shopping list for proper work attire (a must read for men and women). Although it stressed simplicity, you may still feel that you need to stand out amongst the sea of black business suits. Accessorizing to maintain individuality is how you can conserve your sense of self, as well as manage to stay memorable. A red tie or glass-bead necklace is always a standout!

Teaching children at a young age to dress appropriately will save them a lot of discomfort later in life. As the grownup, it is your job to tell them when it is and is not a suitable time and place to wear their wants. Knowing limits and setting boundaries is what will make children successful as adults: they can always push the envelope should they choose, but it will be their choice.

However you present yourself, "Gravel Girty", or a "dresser for successor," it is and will be your choice to present yourself appropriately.

Knowing Your Napkin

I recently taught an etiquette class to a Brownie Troop in Bergen County, NJ, in which the subject of napkins came up. The question had been posed to the girls, “how do you know when to put your napkin on your lap?” The vivacious group of 22 looked pensive for a (brief) moment but quickly figured out the answer. “You wait for someone else to do it!”

That was a great idea, and according to some sources, correct! It is believed that one should wait until the host/hostess unfolds his/her napkin. The situation changes when not at a dinner party: in a restaurant, if the napkin is on the plate, the diner should immediately stick the napkin on the lap. As some restaurants start pouring drinks immediately upon being seated, it is a great way to prevent accidental outfit “water-staining.”

At a less formal dining establishment: as soon as ANY food is served would be an appropriate time to put the napkin on the lap. Since the napkin is often placed underneath the fork, it should be placed on top the lap as soon as the fork is lifted.

When getting up from the table, make sure to put the napkin on the left side of the plate (gently folded). As napkins are to be used for the purpose of wiping food away from one’s mouth, they should not be on the chair, where dirty bottoms are often placed.

Finally, one should not tuck napkins into the top of their shirts (resembling a bib). Using proper table manners (elbows off the table, no licking fingers, asking people to pass, chewing with lips closed) will prevent food from winding up down the front of one's shirt. As bibs are typically used for those who cannot feed themselves, it is inappropriate for a person to tie a napkin around their neck solely for the sake of preserving an outfit (unless eating lobster). When in doubt, don’t wear white. Meaning, don’t go to a restaurant that serves tomato sauce-rich foods, wearing light colors that will get stained.

These simple techniques for appropriate napkin usage will help children and grownups alike in the present and future. As etiquette is meant to prevent uncomfortable situations by teaching people how to behave in social situations, teaching children these skills at a young age will ensure that they will have the knowledge of how to behave as adults.

Those Brownies were so excited to know an actual time as to when they should put their napkin on their lap and couldn’t wait to go home and teach their grownups. Watch out parents! The word is spreading…